March 27, 12:14 PM

Creed Thoughts

When will all these crazy dreams stop? They’ve been going on for at least a week and every night they get crazier and crazier. Usually I try to use my dreams to figure out stuff that’s going to happen in the future like lottery numbers and horse race winners, but recently my subconscious has declared war on my brain.

A week ago Wednesday I went to sleep after drinking my nightly bedtime cocktail – triple sec, bitters, grape juice, and two bottles of Nyquil – and all of a sudden I was thrown into the strangest dream I ever had. I was a seahorse broad living in this underground suburban housing community and I was making dinner for my little seahorse kids until my husband came home and said he was taking us all for a seahorse celebration because he got promoted at the real estate office. We went to this fancy buffet where they only served kelp and then one of my little seaponies turned into a skyscraper and I was standing on top of him looking for my shoes (which had fallen to the ground below). That’s when I heard a siren and woke up. I didn’t think anything of it, but the next night, the dream continued.

This time, I was still a seahorse, but I was on top of the Sears Tower in Chicago and I was giving tours to Croatian tourists who wanted to know where they could find hot dogs. I kept saying “Just look around, Croats, they’re everywhere!” But they kept on asking. Finally, I grabbed one of the foreigners and pulled them to the edge while I pointed to about a million hot dog stands on the street below us. That’s when the building turned back into my seahorse son and all of a sudden I was back at the kelp buffet, but one of my waiters was the pesky Croatian. Weird, right?

So every night since, I’ve been drinking the same cocktail and going to sleep right away and the dreams just keep getting more and more out of control. Now they involve a seahorse orchestra, a family of very tiny bears who love to swim, Croatian folksongs, blankets made out of submerged power lines, and an elaborate conspiracy to take over the Sea Monarchy by a very large network of algae. Seriously, if you know what any of this means, please let me know. I think I might have to eat a seahorse to make it all go away, but the last time I ate a horse of any sort, I had a really bad reaction so I want to avoid that if I can. Thank you in advance for your help.