November 22, 01:30 PM

Creed Thoughts

Picked up a digital camera the other day, just in time for the holidays. I hope the guy who owns it doesn’t miss it too much.

I took my motorized scooter out for a little ride over the weekend. Riding that thing in the cold November air makes me feel like a champion. It’s tiny and red and helps me get ladies better than a puppy, which reminds me that I need to get a puppy. I rode all over town and ended up with fifteen phone numbers. One of the broads didn’t even have most of her teeth. I’m going to call her first.

I’ve been sick the past few days. I guess it serves me right. I just can’t say no to all of those free flu shots for seniors.

The main problem with being sick is that I feel like crap. My body’s always either too hot or too cold and I keep on running to the bathroom to throw up. I know what you’re saying: “Hey Creed, didn’t you pay for pills twenty years ago that made you do the exact same thing?” Well the answer’s yes and I don’t appreciate your tone. The fact of the matter is, I’ve sworn off pills altogether so I can’t even take aspirin to make this craziness go away. You know how it starts—first I start taking two aspirin every four hours and then I’m taking four extra-strength aspirin every two hours and all of a sudden I’m taking six uppers with a chaser of three downers and I’m walking around the mall dressed like the Easter Raccoon. It’s not pretty and parents really don’t appreciate it, no matter how nice you are to the kids. I guess I’ll just have to ride this flu out until I get better. Wish me luck.

Big day down at the Soup Kitchen today. I’m bringing my elbow pads because I got roughed up pretty bad last time. Not this year. I’m going to be first in line for that stuffing and God help the idiot that tries to get in my way. Creed’s not going to be stuck with just candied carrots again, that’s for sure. I’m going to get some of that bird. You just watch me.