October 18, 01:29 PM

Creed Thoughts

There’s been a lot of bad mojo going on at work lately because of computers. Some kid’s been coming around saying how he wants to replace everyone with robots and calculators and little pieces of fruit. The Bossman listens to him, too, even though the kid’s real scrawny and has a horse face. Don’t get me wrong, I like computers as much as the next Joe, but when they start messing with me, I’m not just going to sit there and take it. I’ve seen the movies. If you want to fight back against a machine, you’ve got to chuck it in acid.

Acid. Oh man. Just writing that word brings back some memories. Not really memories. Flashbacks. Scary ones. I get them all the time. The other day I turned on the TV and everyone on the screen was a caveman. Freaked my bean, man.

My favorite flashback of all time is when I see the black lab puppy I had when I was a kid. Found him when I was walking back from the night shift at my warehouse job. I must’ve been seven or eight at the time. Named the pooch Bozo and let him sleep in my sock drawer when I wasn’t home. My Ma found him one day and threatened to let the little guy loose, but I slipped her a ten spot and she got real quiet. Bozo didn’t make it very far in the game of life, but I still see him about four, five times a year. Even though I can’t pet him, I’m glad that he’s still around, if only in my drug-addled mind.

Dogs make good friends, but if you’re looking for a really dependable pal, you’ve got to get yourself a spoon. Spoons never run away, they never rat you out, they come in handy when all you’ve got is soup, and, best of all, they turn into a weapon during a bar fight. Sure they’re not much when it comes to talking, but who wants a blabbermouth for a friend anyway? I’ll take a spoon over a Chatty Carl any day of the week.

Spoons are one thing, but spooning is a whole other story. I hate spooning. Unless we’re huddling for warmth, I don’t want to sleep anywhere near someone. I need my space. If you get too close to me when I’m sleeping, get ready for some bruises because I’m a wild child at night. Tossing, turning, choking, gouging – trust me, you’re better off as far away from me as possible.

And that’s… my blog for today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!